Friday, March 12, 2010
Why being in a wheelchair doesn't suck
Part Three in a weekly series.
Let's face it: there are a lot of times when being in a wheelchair sucks. You can't express your appreciation for a Britney Spears concert with a standing ovation, you can only go so low during the Limbo, and you'll never fit your chair in a Lamborghini.
But sometimes, being in a wheelchair doesn't suck. Let's take a look at one of the best reasons: parking spots.
Every public parking lot must have a certain number of handicapped spots, which are closest to the building's entrance. At busy malls, restaurants, and stadiums, we don't need to worry about a place to give our automobiles some R&R. These are well-marked and easy to find, and it's always comforting to park in front of an image of ourselves.
Because these are closer, you reduce the dangerous risks of frostbite in the mad dash from your car to 7-11, and you lessen your exposure to the elements, good for those who may have compromised immune systems. Not only are you closer to your destination, but you have a wider unloading space, which gives you extra protection from those jerks at the grocery store who are too lazy to walk their empty cart an extra 5 feet to the return rack.
Another hidden benefit that we hope those able-bodied folk never pick up on is the federal law that those with handicapped permits never have to pay a parking meter. This is particularly useful in big cities like Chicago, because you're not as limited in your choices. Sometimes other events, particularly sports stadiums, will also either lower the prices or let you park for free if you have a handicap pass. This will hopefully make everyone else as jealous of you as possible.
The one negative side effect to these benefits are your friends and family. Inevitably, once they catch on to your perks, they will try and make you drive all the time. You will always be the tailgate vehicle of choice, and you will always have to go circle the block because it will be "easier" for you to find a different spot. So hide your perks from them while still strutting around with pride at how much more special than them you are.